You know you have met a threshold of change when you know that your coping skills have changed.
For instance, We are consolidating. I am getting rid of tons of our jointly-held possessions that have no value or meaning and I am sort of freaking out about the process. Why? I have sent my appliances, such as the coffee pot, electric kettle, juicer, food processor and a ton of clothing, other books and random or duplicate items to Goodwill/SallyAm. Frighteningly I don't miss these things and the line to the junk shop is HUGE. I don't feel alone, just adrift.
In my Pre-KrankyPantz year-3 life, I would probably have gone to Portland by now, just to get the hell out of town - if its not a 2.5 hr drive I was too close to the problem, but I cannot just drive away any more. Which BLOWS SO BLOODY HARD I can barely stand it. Instead I am attempting to DEAL with every changing uncertainly with accepting the welling emotions.
I usually call it anxiety and that is what it is, but it comes in so many forms. I get very angry at the ever changing unstable situation. I get resistance if it could cost money or be any more inconvenient.
May I ask, on who's scale of inconvenience is this little blip to be based on?
I get annoyed when I cannot find the tape gun. I get sad when I look at my home in chaos. I yell at the dog as he follows me around wondering WTF? and the cat gets a boot occasionally just for being in the room. My poor partner isn't getting the awesome in this either as this was his idea as my idea of moving 3 years ago didn't inspire him. Today when things are at the worst in the housing market and his job is taking up all his though and energy, now he thinks its time.
Not am I not happy? Why the hell should I be?
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