Today is only one day after mild melt-down and frustration, so you'd think that I'd still be all wired and wound up but I did the correct thing and left home to ride my horse.
To say she is a therapy animal wouldn't be an understatement. Getting out of the home or as I like to call it Object-Hell (a purgatory of stuff), I am dealing with. Conversing with another living being who only senses and communicates in a non-verbal way means I have to stretch myself, be sensitive to her needs and not so much in my own Self. I left the Barn with all my worries in the Port-a-potty and no resentment for going home to do dinner.
The basis of the problem was finding alternate paths as the main one may not be available i.e. move may not happen as planned so alternate #1 and #2 must evolve out of thin air. Now as things have progressed and my calm has now been sustained for a period of 24 hours we have word that the first plan will be put into action as soon as is reasonable.
Big sign and move along.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Expect a lack of Happy
You know you have met a threshold of change when you know that your coping skills have changed.
For instance, We are consolidating. I am getting rid of tons of our jointly-held possessions that have no value or meaning and I am sort of freaking out about the process. Why? I have sent my appliances, such as the coffee pot, electric kettle, juicer, food processor and a ton of clothing, other books and random or duplicate items to Goodwill/SallyAm. Frighteningly I don't miss these things and the line to the junk shop is HUGE. I don't feel alone, just adrift.
In my Pre-KrankyPantz year-3 life, I would probably have gone to Portland by now, just to get the hell out of town - if its not a 2.5 hr drive I was too close to the problem, but I cannot just drive away any more. Which BLOWS SO BLOODY HARD I can barely stand it. Instead I am attempting to DEAL with every changing uncertainly with accepting the welling emotions.
I usually call it anxiety and that is what it is, but it comes in so many forms. I get very angry at the ever changing unstable situation. I get resistance if it could cost money or be any more inconvenient.
May I ask, on who's scale of inconvenience is this little blip to be based on?
I get annoyed when I cannot find the tape gun. I get sad when I look at my home in chaos. I yell at the dog as he follows me around wondering WTF? and the cat gets a boot occasionally just for being in the room. My poor partner isn't getting the awesome in this either as this was his idea as my idea of moving 3 years ago didn't inspire him. Today when things are at the worst in the housing market and his job is taking up all his though and energy, now he thinks its time.
Not am I not happy? Why the hell should I be?
Monday, May 16, 2016
Actually Beginning to Purge & Pack
May 16 - Day 14 / Since I began the Days of the Great Purge, my husband and I have had a few discussions that have been extremely fruitful.
Decisions on what to keep, what should go into an actual long-term, environmentally controlled storage short-term (after October/November) while we move and get situated has helped my anxiety enormously and the action of writing helps too but I keep tripping and feeling overwhelmed as the animals and I try to get through the living room or any other room for that matter!
Today has been tough as this weekend we had some Real Moments. Now it is very hard to actually move the physical items from place to place. I have started with the "easy things" like taking things down from shelves and the walls. Blank spots in my mind click the brain into thinking its moving time.
This is only Box 1 of packed books and Box 1 of photos to be put into long term storage. This also gives the house a more disheveled look, which I'm finding is causing me some anxiety too. The dust is exposed and I have lots of small decorative things I'm not sure are going to be here later.
But now I also have found that the soft core items like linens and towels are pretty easy to pack for long term storage using SpaceSaver vacuum bags. These will most likely go into larger boxes for removal later when we are settled or put on a shelf for ease of access and re-storage.
The very first boxes of GoodWill stuff is out on the porch and that will be loaded into the car for drop off tomorrow. It is really hard to look at what we are doing as beneficial using the modern US thing-cultured brain. I don't want to live like that when it means I won't be able to create the life we truly want together.
I shall attempt not to read ahead as I haven't even gotten through the first chapter yet!
Thanks for reading along!
Decisions on what to keep, what should go into an actual long-term, environmentally controlled storage short-term (after October/November) while we move and get situated has helped my anxiety enormously and the action of writing helps too but I keep tripping and feeling overwhelmed as the animals and I try to get through the living room or any other room for that matter!
Today has been tough as this weekend we had some Real Moments. Now it is very hard to actually move the physical items from place to place. I have started with the "easy things" like taking things down from shelves and the walls. Blank spots in my mind click the brain into thinking its moving time.
This is only Box 1 of packed books and Box 1 of photos to be put into long term storage. This also gives the house a more disheveled look, which I'm finding is causing me some anxiety too. The dust is exposed and I have lots of small decorative things I'm not sure are going to be here later.
But now I also have found that the soft core items like linens and towels are pretty easy to pack for long term storage using SpaceSaver vacuum bags. These will most likely go into larger boxes for removal later when we are settled or put on a shelf for ease of access and re-storage.
The very first boxes of GoodWill stuff is out on the porch and that will be loaded into the car for drop off tomorrow. It is really hard to look at what we are doing as beneficial using the modern US thing-cultured brain. I don't want to live like that when it means I won't be able to create the life we truly want together.
I shall attempt not to read ahead as I haven't even gotten through the first chapter yet!
Thanks for reading along!
Day #01 - Clothing purge
Day #01 - Purge the clothing!
Today shall be the first day of purging all unneeded or unnecessary clothing from our lives.
This will include items with holes, missing buttons, sizes that do not fit and dress clothing which we have only worn a few times and hang in the closet.
There is no room in a tent for this junk so out it goes.
Today shall be the first day of purging all unneeded or unnecessary clothing from our lives.
This will include items with holes, missing buttons, sizes that do not fit and dress clothing which we have only worn a few times and hang in the closet.
There is no room in a tent for this junk so out it goes.
Monday, May 2, 2016
Holy Smokes Folks!
We have decided to Live the Dream and move out of our 1425 sq. ft. home to save for our own lot of land. While super exciting, I'm totally terrified. Not just because the scope of the work required to move out of our rental house of 11 years, but due to the reality of living an off-grid life-style which shall embody all we truly believe in.
But to the terrified parts. As a kid, we were very insecure financially. Single mom, often gone working, men friends usually staying until a problem became apparent, usually an erratic work ethic. Move on past the psychobabble to the root of the problem. Transient people, housing and things is a way of living but not of comfort and success.
So with that said, it makes logical sense that I am afraid of moving to a mobile structure now. My age, my health, my comforts of slacking all are composed of living in my house now. What happens when I have to use the Bodum and not an electric coffee pot? Honestly, I used it last when I went camping last and its no big deal, until I don't have stove fuel and bum coffee off our camping neighbors. So is it the stuff of comfort and convenience I'll miss or is it letting the item go from my hands?
My LTR had the opposite of my experience above, so he has had the hassle of deprogramming this 3-year desire to move behavior out of me best he has been able. BUT his need for rooting means he Hoards like Mr. Sanford. Whenever I suggest culling or selling something, he clutches his chest and acts like he's mortified I would say such a thing. Doesn't everybody need a 1924 belt-driven air compressor?
Today the prep and purge begins in earnest. We are going to move to our friend's house in a tent for a while. this could be a horrible error but I don't think so. We shall do updates as we go.
We have decided to Live the Dream and move out of our 1425 sq. ft. home to save for our own lot of land. While super exciting, I'm totally terrified. Not just because the scope of the work required to move out of our rental house of 11 years, but due to the reality of living an off-grid life-style which shall embody all we truly believe in.
But to the terrified parts. As a kid, we were very insecure financially. Single mom, often gone working, men friends usually staying until a problem became apparent, usually an erratic work ethic. Move on past the psychobabble to the root of the problem. Transient people, housing and things is a way of living but not of comfort and success.
So with that said, it makes logical sense that I am afraid of moving to a mobile structure now. My age, my health, my comforts of slacking all are composed of living in my house now. What happens when I have to use the Bodum and not an electric coffee pot? Honestly, I used it last when I went camping last and its no big deal, until I don't have stove fuel and bum coffee off our camping neighbors. So is it the stuff of comfort and convenience I'll miss or is it letting the item go from my hands?
My LTR had the opposite of my experience above, so he has had the hassle of deprogramming this 3-year desire to move behavior out of me best he has been able. BUT his need for rooting means he Hoards like Mr. Sanford. Whenever I suggest culling or selling something, he clutches his chest and acts like he's mortified I would say such a thing. Doesn't everybody need a 1924 belt-driven air compressor?
Today the prep and purge begins in earnest. We are going to move to our friend's house in a tent for a while. this could be a horrible error but I don't think so. We shall do updates as we go.
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